Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
