I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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