great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
