if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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