Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
