More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
