dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
