we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
