would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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