I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
