you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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