Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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