I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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