I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
