I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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