oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
