you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
