after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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