Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
