Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
that's an acceptable place to lick
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
