State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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