i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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