Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
