I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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