i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
