If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
