So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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