Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
