She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
