I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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