Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
