the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Less talking, more tequila
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
