that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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