we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
