You can't special order awesome
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
