we need to drink 2009 down the drain
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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