How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
