I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
