I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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