this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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