I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
