wat bout pragnant strippers??
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
