It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
