I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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