hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
