Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
