My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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