break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm having to shit out rocks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
