I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
