I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
