i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
