Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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