dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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