I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
false alarm, still single
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
